“Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life” – Socrates.

So often it seems, and please excuse this generalized statement as there are certainly times when this is the farthest from the truth, but in large part, we as human beings get what we need when we need it.  There are usually little signs along the way that such a thing is coming, but weather or not we choose to see, or are astute enough to see such signs, is another story.  And so it is here I share with you some year end reflections as 2018 draws to a close.

Throughout 2018 there has been the slightest shift of my ever tilting world.  While I have long recognized my aptitude (and joy apparent!) to juggling umpteen things (with relative disconnect from one another), throughout this calendar year, it all started to get very….crazy.  Life kind of is crazy, for me anyway, and it really always has been.  It’s something I sort of thrive on.  But at the start of this year, I finally started to actually take notice.  And as I tallied it all up, I realized that I was on a runaway train and that the brakes just might be broken.

Let me back up a bit.  It all began during a job interviewing process – of all places.  During the interview it was discussed that this was a part-time position and hopefully that was agreeable to me, as often part-time positions aren’t viewed with as much enthusiasm as their counterpart.   But for me, this was ideal, and I communicated that with verve.  I had other avenues that were being explored.  Pre-requisites were underway for a long desired genetic counseling degree.  I had just come out of the gates as a newly licensed real estate agent.  I was presently enrolled in a 200 hour, 9 month yoga teacher training.  I’d also just started this blog and had just become a winter volunteer (outside of Sasha’s engagements) with my beloved local Adaptive Sports organization.  So, as you can likely imagine, part-time was pretty appealing.  Also, it was pretty necessary.  I was clearly at max capacity.

Not too long after that interview took place, someone at work asked me when exactly I began having such varied…interests.  I explained that I have always been sort of a sponge, super curious about the world, but after some deeper reflection, I realized it had been a good 10 years when I really started to hit the accelerator.  But it wasn’t until a few days after that conversation when the floor nearly fell out from under me.

10 years.  Ten years.  TEN YEARS.  Then I realized.  What happened about 10 years ago?  Of course!!  Sasha’s diagnosis.  While I’ve written before of the immediate aftermath of learning that Sasha had Sanfilippo Syndrome, and have talked about the impact such a devastating blow has had on my life, I have never written about the ways in which I cope with that devastation.  It turns out there is one main theme for all of my coping….I become…occupied.  What an epiphany.

But with that, in being so busy of course, there is an underbelly.  Time, which can be such a relative thing, seems to liquify and simply slip away.  Hours turn into days and those turn into weeks and before you know it, years are simply, gone.  Weather I’ve chosen to busy myself intentionally or subconsciously is a debate for another day,  yet it can be fairly stated that years with Sasha are now gone too.

And so, as I prepare to close out this year and get ready for the next, I hear the voice of John Lennon singing Happy Christmas in my mind.  “So this is Christmas, and what have you done.”  I won’t worry you, dear reader, with the list of the few additional tasks that I have taken on.  What I will tell you, is that a few things have been weeded out to allow room for the most important areas to really grow. And if I can just watch the teetering scales a bit closer, and maybe even listen to the wise words of Socrates, 2019 should be pretty Ok.

Happy Holidays friends and loved ones near and far.  I thank you for following me this year, and wish you too a wonderful 2019!