“These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since
I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this”  – Natalie Merchant

Some of you may recall April of 2015, when barely a year into my new nursing career I’d truly had it with northern New Hampshire’s long winters.  And so it was then, on a lark, when I applied for a nursing position at Duke University Hospital.  I was both stunned and elated (and quite frankly frightened) when I received a response and was suddenly on a plane to Durham NC for a job interview.  I felt like it went well as I answered critical thinking and clinical questions and integrated with the nursing staff on the units as I shadowed for the afternoon.  When I later sat in an enormous conference room with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the city below and my recruiter suggesting I not unpack my bags upon return to New Hampshire but instead, keep on packing, I had a good feeling.

Upon accepting the job that June, there was almost a two month wait before I was to relocate.  This gave me time to study, visit with family and friends and research the area’s special needs resources. What I didn’t have time to prepare for was the sense of loss I was feeling as I prepared to loosen the ties of a brand-new found friendship with the incredible organization Adaptive Sports Partners of the North Country.

To backtrack a bit further, during the last semester of nursing school a dear friend of mine checked in on how Sasha was doing.  As we chatted, she asked if I had ever engaged in any outdoor activities with Sasha.  I explained why that tended to be challenging, but given Sasha’s boundless energy at the time, I knew it could be a wonderful thing to offer.  My friend had a sibling involved with Adaptive Sports Alpine Skiing program and so was able to provide detailed information about how amazing this group was.  I told her after nursing school wrapped up I’d be looking into this.

And so as my winter doldrums overtook me that April back in 2015, I was just a few months into getting to know Sandy Olney, the passionate Executive Director of ASPNC.   She assessed Sasha thoroughly and started us on some hiking experiences.  But it was the months leading up to the detailed preparations for our first Sunrise Ascent on Mt. Washington that truly changed the trajectory of life as I knew it with Sasha.  I started meeting the most amazing people, all volunteers with ASPNC, and witnessed the commitment level of this organization. I saw sights with Sasha I never dreamed possible, sights that simply would not be available to us without human horse power, very specialized equipment and equally special people.  Every time I returned home from an adaptive adventure, the 10,000 Maniacs song “These are Days” would start playing in my mind.  I was  hooked, and felt such sadness in knowing that the very day after our first Sunrise Ascent on Mt. Washington, I would then get into a car to drive to Durham NC to start my new job that next week.

For many reasons,  in knowing how much I would miss my family, my friends and New England, 10 days before my departure I realized I couldn’t do it.  Or that I wouldn’t do it.  A huge part of that decision was in wondering if I would meet up with an organization quite like ASPNC ever again.  These dozens and dozens of amazing volunteers, interns and staff had become extended family to me.  My new job was going to be intense with full time training for months before I switched over to a schedule of  “three twelves” as we say in nursing.  I knew it would take time to settle in, and I wasn’t sure when and if I’d resume these kinds of adventures with Sasha ever again.

Recently, at a routine neurology appointment at Dartmouth Hitchcock, Sasha’s beloved neurologist (who practiced at Duke prior to his position in New Hampshire), asked if I’d regretted that decision.  I told him that a small part of me always would.  I still struggle with the long winters of northern New England and at times with the desolation of living so rural.  I know deep down I would have done well at Duke and would have had infinite opportunities to progress both professionally and academically.  And my Dad, who held education and opportunities like these in the highest regard, was disappointed when I changed my mind.  But this past Sunday, during our fifth attempt at the Sunrise Ascent on Mt. Washington (read about previous ascents and attempts in my August ’18 Chasing the Sun post) I remembered why we stayed.

Two years in a row now I’ve experienced the sheer joy of climbing the highest peak in the Northeast with Sasha.  who was full of smiles and wonderment the final 2 miles as the weather and landscape suddenly changes with its elevation., She  engaged in friendly competition with the other mules and participants (and visibly does not like getting passed by another team).  As is true to ASPNC, this experience was done with incredible equipment and even more incredible individuals.  Each year our team sees previous “mules” return to us and countless new ones jump on board. And this 2019 Sunrise Ascent was extra special for many reasons.  It was the 10th annual and also the first Sunrise Ascent with our new Director, Thomas.  We are so fortunate that in Sandy’s recent retirement, someone else who is passionate and committed, and wanting to do right by Sandy and by our community, has taken the reigns.

It was also an emotional day as the sole team who created this special event 9 years ago continues to be present with their loved one for the climb.  And so this marked the tenth ascent for a special man afflicted with the same condition as my Father’s.  I reflected on the sorrow I’ve carried in wishing I’d taken Dad on an Adaptive journey,  but was deeply comforted when I encountered a former Team Sasha mule, who couldn’t join our team this year as she had created one of her own.  As we chatted on Sunday, I learned that her own Dad had been given just a year to live in the winter of 2018, and had promised her that if he surpassed this prediction, her would allow her to bring him up Mt. Washington.  It was like a circle in some ways had been closed in seeing someone else do for their Father what I had hoped to do for mine.

And finally, when Team Sasha’s name was announced at the Awards Ceremony as top fundraising team, something I’ve always dreamed we could accomplish, more reasons for why we stayed began to surface.  I suddenly heard Natalie belting it out: “These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face, and when you do, you’ll know how it was meant to be”.  I hope that Dad knows he was a huge reason as for why I stayed too, and that we will continue to climb mountains for him, in memory of the mountain he climbed so full of grace.